Augusta: Amanda C. Armentrout to William F. Brand,
July 29, 1866
Summary:
Kate, blaming herself for their estrangement, apologizes to Willie and pleads
with him to forgive her and find his way back to God.
July 29th 66
Rose Dale
My dear friend
This is a beautiful Sabbath morn & all nature
seems to be sending up its praises to the great & good God yes I say
[added: good] (good when he gives supremely good
nor less when he denies) & it is Him who
deserves the praise for he does all things well. Willie
I was not well this morning nor have not been for a week & could not go
to church so I thought I would respond to your dear missive that I received last Thursday Oh you
know not how I felt when I got it I feared to open it my hand trembled when I
grasped it & saw it was from you; but you will say what caused the fear
now do not censure me for my weakness, I feared it
would be cold & indifferent &
perhaps bid me never to write
again but when I saw dear Kate it cheered me up yes I
felt strong again & thought perhaps there were some hope & now I am replying with you
last request (write soon) yes I will try &
comply with every request that you make though I have
been denied of every one I have made. I will try
& return good for evil, I am resigned to my
fate.
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but I must hasten to respond to your dear sweet letter. you say
mine caused your sensitive nature to mourn over the past my dear friend I am
sorry that I caused you to mourn over the past for it is
wicked for me to mourn over it let alone being the cause of another one to be
sad forgive me for making you thus. God in his goodness has some wise device for doing this so I am willing to bear though the chastening
rod has been severe it has brought me nearer him & made a better
girl of me & I hope ere long dear brother that you will exclaim God is good & does all things well.
Willie you wish a release you have loved me I do not
doubt that but your affections have changed & you soon wish to be free
again & can I hold thy pure & noble heart bind it to me that is
so impure as mine for I have been the cause of you being unhappy & I
know not but what I am the cause of you losing your
religion though I hope not so Willie I am not worthy of you. I love you
& can not help it but Willie I will never harm you love works no ill to
any one I never expect to love another nor do not wish to no could I trust
another could I ask my dear Father to change that which
I asked him to do but with in my bossom no never, but
can I claim you when you are changed; Oh my Heavenly
Father forbid no no Willie I care not what may be my fate I can not hold thee to
me if you do not wish it nor can I spurn you no Willie I blame myself in part
for it yes the letter that I wrote last winter just after Christmas I blame for
it yes dear Willie I will take half of the blame or all of it if it will make
you happy for I have bore the blame & censure
of the people for it & swore then it yes Willie I have bore the burden
in the heat of the day I caused & cast it all upon thee now but will bear half of it with
you. I will tell you some things that has (come) been said to me Kate you look
sad you kicked Billie thinking you could do better & I dont pity you one bit what could I say I denied the charge but it is generally
believed that I did kick you yes I am blamed with your drinking which I never did believe you did though you thought I did no
Willie I could not believe it I would see you laying dead drunk in the mud I
would (not) think it was not you there oh you said the next to the last time you
were down here if I ever kicked you that you would get to
drinking but Willie here is the hardest thing I had to endure that I had kicked
you & you got to drinking on the account of it & that now I had
lost my mind on the account of it Oh Willie is it not a
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wonder that I
have not lost my mind as be blamed with so much that
I hope I am innocent of & yet I believe it is all for my own good "all work together
for good to those that love God yes dear Willie God in all his ways is just
& merciful & if we really trust him
though we pass through fire it will not harm us.
Willie do not think that I wrote this to make you sad no no dear one I would do
anything in my power to make you happy; you say you would like to see me why do
you think then it is best for us not to meet; I sort of believe you are a little contrary ha ha
& what do you think of that no Willie but why is it do you think I can
not bear to meet you I have taught or rather God has
taught me to bear much I think I could meet you as
cheerful as ever I met you in my life. you say my cup has been bitter it has
been bitter Oh far worse than you have any idea of but
dear Willie there was some sweets with it at times; you say blame you with it
not all dear one can I blame you no no you could not help it for I think that
the wicked one has done it not your good heart dictated but you were not happy
& he wished to claim you for one of his servants & persuaded you that you did not love me yes Willie he
knew that I was trying to win you back to God & that he would get you to
dismiss me at once but my dear Father ordered other wise he bid me noy to give
thee up Willie dear I believe he has directed me how to write every letter that I have written to you since you were here
& Oh I pray that my dear Savior may make them
the instrument of bringing you back to God Oh dear one you say you are willing
to bear my malice if it but make me happpy my malice Willie no Malice if I have
any in my heart I pray to my dear Savior (to) to pluck
it out Willie come to see me & I will tell you what will make me happy
Willie I will treat you as a fond sister would a brother mistreat you no never & as for the rest of the family mistreating you there are no danger of that I
don't think none but Susie knows how you have
treated me I think that she pitied you now as for Pa
& Ma Willie I do not think they will ever mistreat you for they see my perfect indifference to every other man so Willie I don't think you need to fear at all S was not at the Barbecue nor none of
our family nor I do not regret that I was not there I think Willie there is more
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harm done at such places than good they had a picnic at Mint Spring & danced in the church Oh that these
dances were turned to prayer meetings how much sooner
could we expect the blessings of God upon our country.
Willie All have gone to Sabbath school this eve but Pa Ma & myself & I feel very
lonely Alone yes Alone shall it always be thus Oh my Father forsaken &
forgotten no one to care for me how long Oh how
long but enough thy will [added: be done] The health
of the neighborhood is very good & our family is all well with the exception of myself I have not been ill but am not well
though I hope it is nothing serious I have been taking
medicine but it has had but little
effect I hope I will be
well by next Sabbath (I will) be well as there are
camp meeting at Bethel
& I want to go Willie do come down & go with me Sis Lizzie
& both Jimmie are going to be taken in on certificate do come brother & commune with (me) us come
& stay down a week & go to the pines with
[unclear: Aleberryine] we are expecting a nice dance there is talk of a
crowd going Tuesday a week I expect we will join the crowd if it goes Willie
don't deny me this time but do come. I suppose you
heard that Frank McFarland was buried last Monday.
Dear Willie I have some very bad news to relate to you cousin Bell Rubush has
lost her mind Oh Willie is it not sad indeed to think such a good woman should
be afflicted thus I pity her so much we know not what
one day may bring forth yes we we may sink beneath the [unclear: rod]
Willie my dear dear brother ought we not then to strive more & more
every day to meet our God than to spurn his
pleadings who are so indifferent to our dear Savior's
pleadings has he not said no to is the accepted time brother I am try[added: ing] to make my bible my companion [added: and guardian] through life as I have nothing
to care for in this world but why have I nothing to care for does not Willie
call me dear Kate once more & will he not return I can only hope. Oh
Willie I have never told you about my little pet Ida
Lizzie little babe she is the sweetest little thing that I ever saw Sis brings
her up every
Sunday did not come today I do not know why will be
here next if nothing happens she leaves her here when she goes to church I know
you will love her Willie do come down next Saturday evening you can get some one
to stay in the mill that long I will look for you don't
let me be disappointed where ever there is a will there is a way but enough Well
I must close this disinteresting note now Willie let nothing in this hurt your
feelings or cause you to be sad but be cheerful & happy & come
to see me & you will find me a true sister please excuse all
imperfections. Willie if it is impolitic for you to come write soon but I want
to see you your own dear self
your ever true & fond friend
Midie
Willie read the 7 Chap from the 8th to the 12th verses & the 6th of Second Corinthians they express my sentiments to thee my eyes are getting very weak or I would write more but tears at I will worry you with this yours as ever Midie
