Augusta: William F. Brand to Amanda C. Armentrout,
January 9, 1866
Summary:
William writes to Kate that he does not feel for her as he once did because he
thought that she had changed her feelings for him but that he still loves her.
He also describes how he spent Christmas and New Years while discussing family
members.
Miss Kate Armentrout
Greenville
Augusta County
Virginia Miss Kate Armentrout
Jan 9th '66
Alone Mills
Dear Kate
I received your letter yesterday. after reading
& rereading it my feelings were tinged with a
degree of sadness now I have taken your letter before me, for the purpose of
trying to answer its details something I never tried before & believe it
impossible now. While I gaze on you epistle my
mind wanders & I cannot center it on no one
subject. Now believe me I am going to try to write what my heart shall dictate.
You are well aware I once loved you devotedly yes passionately up to the time of
our first estrangement
[page 2]
Since then I have never have ceased to love
you. But I cannot confine it to the burning love I once enjoyed. Can I help it
that I changed, I withdrew my affections at a time when I thought all was lost
that was dear to me. Oftimes since then I have tried to be the same loving
Willie I once was, but it seems that I have failed Now don't
believe that you are forgotten for no other woman has
ever touched a tender cord within my breast. You are
in my mind from morning till eve, yes my only desire to live is to perpetuate
your happiness, give your hand to another & I will [added: leave] this country which will be a proof of
my feelings for you
[page 3]
I am so careless my
bright visions of the future may soon fade your mind must have been pushed to an
unusual degree of termperament when you wrote I
don't
believe I could commit to memory all the charges you
preferred, I will not attempt to excuse my self
of any for very probably I am guilty of all I spent a Merry Christmas
& a pleasant New Year, Every girl that fell to my lot to entertain was flattered to a limited extent So you may term me a cold careless
flattere & of the world worldly my early
landmarks have all nearly been erased, what do I live for. My heart says thee
while my actions do not prove it you may doubt this writing [added: but it is the truth]
[page 4]
What more shall I say shall I fill this page with loving ephithets or
with the sad realities of my changed nature. You once knew me as a devout follower of our meek & generous Savoir. But
alas for a long time I had only a name to live while dead. This may be the saddest letter you ever received from me I never intend to hide any of my faults from you. I
know not what kind of a reply this may bring be what it may I hope it may have
its desired effect. Alas you will say Willie will soon be a ruined youth it may
be so, but I hope to the contrary I am certain the intoxicating cup shall never
drag me down in its ruinous path of misery.
[page 5]
Since I left Augusta The
great I am has called for some of her fairest
duels. It seems that the fairest flowers are always smitten first. I received a letter some time ago from my darling sister
oh how I long for her embrace. Brother C was up to
see me last night got here late yesterday evening
& started early this morn. He is looking quite well, don't seem to take it very hard about loosing Bette, mans hard heart
is hard to break Dear Kate I pick up your letter and
look at it. Then say I cannot answer it, do not know how to commence so I will
wait hoping I may soon see you, when I can answer it more satis
[page 6]
factorily than by writing I expect to make my apperance in old Augusta
Saturday week will call on you unless sooner
prohibited Do not let this unintelligible
letter give you any trouble. If your hand is given to
another before I get down I hope you will let me have the pleasure of taking it once more Bro C told
me that J.V. & J.H. was at a party at your house some time ago very good
joke on them
Please write soon I will promise to try and do better next time If I have written any thing to hurt your feelings please excuse I remain yours in hope in love & until death shall us divide
Your
Willie
