Augusta County: Mary Anna Sibert to David H. Evans,
November 14, 1867
Summary:
Sibert complains that she is lonely, expresses her passionate love for Evans, and
asks where they will spend the Christmas holidays.
November 14, 1867
Mt. Solon
Mr. D.H. Evans
Your dear & welcome letter of Tuesday came safely. Its contents gave me
much relief as I was very anxious to hear how you all reached town after your
packed ride. I thought so much of you & Ma crowded as you were in that
small buggy I thank God for your safe arrival home. I did wish you could have
stayed with me longer It is hard for me to give you
up, knowing as I do that I cannot see you again for two long, & lonely
weeks. I am left in this isolated place to count the days before you can bring
your dear self back to me, but I must not complain it cannot now be helped. One
wiser than us, is the ruler of our destinies. I have
placed mine in His keeping, & I feel sure that God will bless our love
for each other in this life. My greatest pleasure is to know you love me with all your fresh, & truthful
heart. to feel that I have the entire devotion of one I love is indeed happiness
not many in this weary life journey are so blessed. how many fond hearts love in
vain. I pity such unfortunate beings
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with sincere sympathy. I know how
sweet it is to have your love, because I love you, & I can feel for
those who love without hope. I am not referring to
my friend Mr. Estell indeed
I was not thinking of him at all, for I do not believe
his heart will break, or suffer much over my refusal he has lived too long in
this world for painful feelings of heart ache to trouble him. I have not met him
since that Eventful Evening. I suppose he has left the county. You do not know
how lonely we are now without either Mother, or father. we miss dear Ma so much,
the days seem doubly long since she is gone In Ma's letter by Tuesday, she wrote
that "you had been up to see them," & that "she thought you were one of
the best men in the world" & "that she would not give you for all the
young gentlemen in Staunton" how complimentary to you! I like for her to speak
in that way of you. it pleases me because I love you, & I know you are
all she thinks, & much more than that to me. I
understand you best of all, & how to love & appreciate you,
which I do with sincere, & unchanging devotion. I wish you were here
tonight. Oh I do want to see you so much, so
much. I am lonely without you. I feel tonight a
longing, & yearning desire to have you with me. I want you to kiss me to
take my hands in your strong, & loving clasp. Then I should feel happy,
& safe. It seems that I must
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quit writing, get up, &
go right to you, & ask you for just one word, one evidence of your love
for me I would then be satisfied. I know it is useless for me to wish you here
tonight, it cannot be, but I can't help it try
as I will. My heart & head grow tired of waiting, then they get
impatient, & cry out for you to come, & give me rest, &
happiness. Oh! I love you more & more each hour of my life. I wish you
could see my heart & read there all I feel for you. then you would be
convinced of my sincere, & unchanging affection. I wish I only could see
you. Have you forgotten that Rennie invited you, & myself to spend our
Christmas with her in her husband's home at Bridgewater? I have not forgotten
the invitation, & if you are willing & we all live, I think we
should go, but I leave it for you to decide. if you would rather have me in
Staunton, why I would rather be there with you than
anywhere in this world. so I can be near you I do
not care when it is, if the loneliest spot on Earth, & never see any one
but you all the days of life. I would ask for no other society but yours, for no
one to see, & to love but you, for then I would be happy, &
contented I am writing the truth to you as I hope for Heaven. I am very selfish
in this way those I love are my all in this world. I do not care for others. I
don't want to be with
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any but my loved ones. I don't want, or wish for
the society of any but those who are near & dear to me it is all I want
or ask for just to be with those I love best. I know this is selfishness. I
can't help it I have always been so, & Ever shall be while I live. You
must not blame me I can't help it any more than I could
help loving you with all the deep intensity of my nature, & I know I
can't help loving you so, & I would not if I could for I love to love you If I could
only see your dear dear face tonight & tell
you all my love for you I would be so truly happy, & satisfied. I must
wait patiently until God lets you come. Then I will tell you. I wish Saturday a
week was here. it is so long to me another long lonely week before you can come.
I am so glad to know you are happy & cheerful when with me, for I am as
happy as I can be with you near me. I ask or wish for no one else but your dear
self to be with me. come soon. I long to see you again My heart &
thoughts are Ever with you. I will now send you a Goodnight kiss & write
to my dear Ma Write to me by Tuesday's mail, & say you love me only
Rennie & Ada send love. I send love, & many kisses Write soon.
May God bless you for you are so dear to me. Goodnight. Love me.
Yours devotedly
Mollie Sibert
