Augusta: John D. Imboden to Annie Lockett, December
18, 1870
Summary:
Imboden again shares his thoughts on the importance of marriage and reassures
Annie that they will be happy together.
Sunday Dec. 18, 1870
New York
My precious Annie,
On last Thursday I received your sweet letter of the 10 th and was glad to learn that you are again at home where you will write to me by every mail.
I thought there was a tone of sadness apparent in your letter when I first read
it that made me uneasy lest there might be moments when you doubted whether your
happiness was assured in our prospective marriage. On a closer study of your
letter I think perhaps I may trace its tone to the very natural regret you
experienced in leaving Brunswick with the Conviction that it was the last time
you would ever be one of the gay young parties that so grace the Society of that
pleasant old County. And that whilst you regretted the probable loss forever of
this source of
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happiness I have no right to conclude that you felt
misgivings about the future.
You refer to the limited opportunities we have had to become well acquainted.
That is true, but so far as I am concerned I trust so
implicitly in my knowledge of human nature, and my ability to read a woman's
character, that before I had been 24 hours in your Society I saw & felt
that you possessed every element of "head & heart" to make any man happy
as your husband, who had heart & soul enough to appreciate you. I knew
that if I could win your love I should find in you one of the dearest and best
little wives man was ever blessed with, and I needed no further acquaintance to
induce me to give you my whole heart, and ask for yours in return. You have not
had the experience of the world that I have, and I do not wonder at your desire
to see more of me, and to know me better before you sever all the tenderest ties
of life, and
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Come with me amongst strangers. It is my thorough
knowledge of how great the sacrifice - and how perilous the step - a young girl
makes in marrying, that will make me always the tenderest of husbands to you. I
will aim to make you trust me, and lean upon me with that perfect confidence
that will dispel every feeling of apprehension from your mind, so that when you
pronounce the solemn vows that make you mine forever - adopt my name - sever
your connection with home & family - give to father & mother -
sisters & brothers your farewell kiss, and leave all to "cleave unto"
me, you will feel that in my love, my devotion, and strong protecting arm, a new
world of happiness is opened up to you that is more than an equivalent for that
you leave behind.
The more I can be with you before our marriage - the more you can see of me the more certainly do I hope to bring you to look forward to the day of our union with impatient delight, & not of anxiety.
The still continued absence in Europe of Colonel McKaye, and the delay of Colonel Flournoy to join me here, renders the day of my return to Virginia still uncertain. I [added: do] not yet despair of getting home this month but I am not sure of it. Should I be delayed till after the holidays, the I will so arrange my business here as to make it unnecessary for me to come back from Virginia till Spring, when you will come along. I often picture to myself the pleasure it will give me to have you here to caress & pet, when I come up town from a hard day's work, and in your sweet society to forget for a while the din and uproar of this great bray thing in which I daily move. Amongst all the hundreds of thousands of men and women around me, you alone in some bright cheerful room, will constitute my world of happiness. And together we will go out and be amused by the throng in which we shall have no interest, beyond that they afford us a mere spectacle to gaze upon.
You cannot realize how utterly indifferent I feel towards the great mass of mankind. Every day's experience but confirms me in the opinions of years, that there is but one mode of existence in this world that satisfies our natural craving for happiness - and that is in the married relation, founded upon perfect love & confidence between husband & wife. A man & woman can make for each other [added: of] this world, a foretaste of that more perfect existence hereafter, that we all look forward to so hopefully. On the other hand they may render life a burden almost too intolerable to be borne. I don't believe much in any middle ground between happiness and misery in married life. My experience in that relation was one of supreme happiness. I can well conceive how it could, under less favorable circumstances, have been one of wretchedness, if it had lacked the essential foundation of profound mutual respect & perfect love.
I am glad to see from your last letter that you think so gravely of the important step you are so soon to take. It proves that you appreciate its importance, and that unless you felt perfectly satisfied in regard to your own heart you would not incur the tremendous consequences of an irrevocable ceremony. The more gravely and seriously you think of it now, the better assured am I, that your mind will never change its deliberate decisions.
I wish I could be with you Christmas. I shall think all day of you, and I belive you will not forget me. I look forward a year, & see you a happy little wife when this festive seeason comes around again. And may it always be a merry and a happy time with you.
I shall write today to Sister Lou. Miss Ella will not write to me I suppose. I am pained to learn from you that her health is still so delicate. I appreciate on that account your anxiety to gratify her wish to be present at our marriage, and I will not urge you too much against your will to forego that pleasure, merely to gratify me. Therefore it is I leave open the question of "a day," till we meet.
With love to all, I am with the most unalterable affection yours as ever,
JD Imboden
You ask whether you may engage yourself a little while to a poor fellow who won't believe you when you discard him. No Annie dear! No. It would not be right to create in his heart a false hope. The pain to him of discovering he had been trifled with is such as you ought not to inflict. Better bear with him a while longer. He will find out soon no doubt that there is no hope for him. Do not create a false hope, by encouraging his suit, unless you intend to sacrifice me & take him.
