Augusta County: Mary Anna Sibert to David H. Evans,
October 17, 1867
Summary:
Sibert thanks Evans for the affectionate tone of his last letter and discusses
the history and nature of their relationship.
Oct. 17. 1867
Mt. Solon, Virginia
Mr. D.H. Evans,
Your letter of the 15 is the dearest & most affectionate you have Ever yet written to me, just such a letter as I love to get from you & I have read it over & over again thanking you from my heart for such expressions of devotion Why do you not always write so freely & affectionately to me? My letters to you have Ever been dictated by the truest & deepest love, have they not? I am not complaining now but only showing you that your last & dearest letter met a loving welcome from her to whom it was written & that I prize it more dearly than any you have Ever written to me
You ask me if I thought of you during your lonely homeward ride of Monday. I did
indeed think of nothing else. I sought my bed but could not sleep for thinking
of one I loved more than all others riding a dreary long road alone. I could not
rest when I knew you were travelling & then I would so much rather have
been with you my heart & thoughts were with you all the way, but you
knew it not. Do you remember I told you I would not sleep until I thought you
had arrived safely at home. nor did I either. I was glad & thankful to
hear you reached Staunton for I was so fearful something might happen to you
that I was as anxious & miserable
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as I could be until I heard
from you. God is so Merciful to us ungrateful beings. I thanked Him fervently
for protecting your dear life & person from danger. I bless His holy
name for loving & caring for you during your many rides to, &
from Staunton May God Ever guide your way is the daily pleading of Mary's heart
for you.
I am as happy & rejoiced to know of the bright & cheerful change
in your feelings & manner as you can Ever be. do you believe me? do you
think it possible for the great change in you to make me just as happy? It does,
for all my unhappy doubts thinking you did not love me as my heart longed to be
loved by you in return for the deep & undying devotion it had given
& lavished truly upon you do you know, that I often thought one reason
why you seemed so thoughtful & troubled was that you had
[unclear: seen] my affection & found after calm consideration
that you were mistaken in your feelings & did not love me. I told you
last Sunday night how often & how deeply you grieved & pained me
whilst in Staunton by your cold & silent manner, because I thought you
did not love me & I was loving you all the time with a true &
unchanging love. I was loving & thinking of none but you, wishing
& praying Oh! so earnestly that I might know your true feelings for me
& why you were so cold & silent when you came in my
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presence. I never was as unhappy, never suffered so much in all my past life
as I did then when doubting your love. I am glad of the happy change in you for
your own dear sake, for I know you are so much happier & to feel
& see that you are bright & happy is to make me so also. If I
could give you uninterrupted happiness in this world you would never know one
moments trouble. I would keep all sorrow
& anxiety far from your heart & mind your face which I love to
look at should never be clouded with painful thought if the power were mine.
Your pathway through life should be sunny, glorious, happy & beautiful,
but no mortal being ever has yet in this life tasted of the cup I would if I had
the power place to your darling mouth but any one can be very happy if they just
would try in the right way for there is joy for all who will have it if they
only try they will find it but I can't be happy when I think you don't love me. How I did wish to be with you when
you left Sunday. I felt so lonely & sad when you were gone. If I could
see your dear, dear face to night & have you
near me, I should be so glad & contented. Oh! I do want to see you so
much so much if you could just come in now I would cry with joy for I would be
so glad & even thankful to see you can't you come Saturday with Magnus
if Ella don't come? it is so long till Saturday a week I wish I could see you
every day like I once did
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I know since I love you that I never did
love truly before. I feel & know it every hour of my life for I love you
more then I do my own life my Soul, or my God This is as
true as I know that My God looks down from His glorious Home in Heaven upon me
in sorrowful displeasure for making you my one Idol. I must love God best, if I
wish for our Earthly happiness. May God help me to love Him first & you
next that is the way I would have it for His blessings upon us & our
love for each other.
Pa has written to cousin David & given his free & willing consent to Their marriage. Cousin D. sent the letter to Rennie this morning. I will read it to you when you come down. Rennie is now satisfied. David is coming up Saturday. I wish you could be hear can't you come Ma rec'd a letter from pa. Gen'l Stone was at the furnace to see the steel pa had made one thousand dollars worth of steel in the first casting. Gen'l Stone was delighted with the steel. Mr Noon & Mr. Pemberton don't know the fate that awaits them here. Rennie says she will do as you say. I do wish you would come & they would stay at home wont you come? for Oh I do want to see you soon again I love you my darling with devoted & undying love. Write me just such a letter as you wrote Tuesday free & affectionate I love to get such from you because they are written by one dearer then [deleted: then] all others to me. I wish you were here to night so I could talk to you & look at your dear face. I don't like to think I can't see you for so long it makes me so impatient & dissatisfied. Do come soon so I can be happy. Ma says she loves you too dearly sends her love & many thanks for the snuff you so kindly sent I send love & many kisses to you. Write soon to me Ma says, if Ella don't come with Magnus you come so you can meet cousin David here & tease Rennie. Rennie says if you do bring a stool & some cotton for John Noon & Mr. Pemberton I expect if we all live to have a merry time teasing R. & D.
