Augusta County: B. Estill to John McCue, January 20,
1859
Summary:
Estill discusses financial matters, religion, and his intention to shake off "the
very dust of celibacy."
Jany 20th 1859
At any time I would be glad to
hear from you at Mossy Creek P. office--B E
My Dear Friend
In answer to yours of last month I write to express my gratification at its
perusal as well as to add one or more reflections relating to things in general
& to one or two in particular. With or without your kind assurance
relating to my small claim, I never had & do not now entertain the
slightest doubt about your entire willingness & determination to
liquidate the same so soon as the state of your finances justify it, and I shall
only add on this subject that in as much as I expect to be very much pressed for
means during the next 5 4 or 3- months (wherewith to meet my Shenandoah
engagements) I know--if at all convenient for you?--it will be as much your
compliance to pay as it would be for me to receive the amount of your note
between this & the first of March, or as soon thereafter as possible.
Your note bearing date the 7th day of October 1857, will be left in the hands of
Jno D Imboden for the reason that you would not
know where to send to me or write me, & at Staunton with the
[unclear: clerk] it & its wherebouts will always be
thoroughly accessible. Unless circumstances or some
[page 2]
clever woman turns
my course I expect--if life & health be graciously spared me?--to set
off for Kentucky in a week or ten days, for the purpose of making a final tour
among old grand mama's Eve's fair descendants, to ascertain whether or not
indeed this individual can gather up the scattered fragments of his heart's
affections so as to concentrate them upon some one whose charms &
attractions ((personal & social)) shall be sufficient to lead me right
up to Heymen's altar!! The truth is every day's experience like the atmosphere
around is pressing me with the conviction that it is not good & never
was designed to be, for man to be alone!! that his living is but a mere animal
existence floating upon the surface of things, drifting hither & thither
after crumbs & scraps of comfort & having like an old shoe-sole
from the wheels of time, droped his mortal
[unclear: evil], he goes down to his last resting place with this
appropriate epitaph
"Here lies old Bach stone dead
Here's his feet
& there's his head
Where old Bach is & where he
[unclear: lairs]
Nobody knows & nobody cares".
Depend upon it my dear sir, as I should have said to my friend the gentleman from
[unclear: Cuting]!! at the Hospital I have just lingered on the
borders of
[page 3]
single-wretchedness long enough to discover that there is
not in her wide [unclear: haste] one single oasis on which my eyes or my
hopes might rest, and therefore I announce to you, to all the world &
the rest of mankind, but rather more of woman kind, that ere long I design to shake the very dust of celibacy off my
understandings & take up my line of march gladly & joyously
for
That land of mixed delight
Where Bachelors nowhere tarry
Where
Hymen's says dispel the night
And lead me on to marry!!!!.
In reply to your & your wife's kind & generous invitation to call
& see you at any time, allow me to say that whenever & wherever
my lot should be cast near you I shall esteem it both a privilege &
pleasure to fill awhile some corner under your hospitable roof, where many hours
doubtless would [unclear: glide] away filled with the memories of the
past, comments on the present, & speculations on the future. I think I
can sincerely say that within the range of my entire acquaintance or friendship
few or none are more esteemed, or whose interests I would sooner turn aside to
promote than yours & those of your beloved household, and when I bring
my mind to bear upon our wonderful constitution & relation to one
another here as well as our connexion with what
follows hereafter
[page 4]
I am struck with the boundless wisdom &
goodness of Him who has created us & placed us here
[unclear: protationers]in time & candidates for eternity.
All these tender & endearing confessions of life that go to make up [illeg.] much of the sum of human happiness, are so
[unclear: little] & liable to be shaped asunder, as to convince
us that we should not set our affections upon them for we can not hold to them,
nor can life [unclear: ] be extended to us beyond a fitful fleeting years or
months or days. Then indeed [unclear: confident] with the
[unclear: divine] injunction, philosophy would point & urge
us forward to that land of pure delight where saints immortal reign!! where
infinite days exclude the night & pleasures vanish pain!!,, you kindly
invoked the divine blessing upon me at the close your letter & returning
most heartily the same upon yourself, let me remind you of the truth that the
divine blessing can only descend upon any of us within the limits of the Mercy
of God. Remember the solemn words of Dr Alexander
There is a time we know
not when
A point we know not where
That marks the destiny of man
To
glory or despair!!!!
Present if you please my kindest regards to Cousin Liz & to your beloved children, & hoping & trusting & praying that by Almighty grace you may be enabled & induced to set out NOW!! in the narrow way along which I believe your beloved wife has been journeying & which she with the angels & perhaps a mother in heaven would rejoice to find you!!
very sincerely, Your Friend & Kinsman
B. Estill
