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Augusta County: Maggie Heist to Martha Roadcap, February 17, 1865

Summary:
A woman from near Winchester, Maggie, writes to the mother of a dead soldier, telling her of her son's death. Maggie describes the soldier's burial, and his personal items that she will send to his mother. Based on references in this and later letters, the dead soldier may be presumed to be John B. McGuffin, and the recipient of the letter, Martha Roadcap, his mother. Maggie Heist was apparently John's sweetheart.


Feb 17th 1865

Home

My dearest Friend

Yours of Oct 18th and Dec 10th only a few days ago were received - how they were smuggled through the lines I am not aware, but sincerely hope I may be able to get this through to you - yours were truly, truly welcome. [illeg.] think not I should not have been so negligent as not to send you some message had I had but one moment of freedom that I could have written & sent the letter through, but you know we are in the [illeg.] of tyrants that the penalty for receiving or sending letter through the lines if known to them is so severe, that no one is willing to risk carrying a letter & I have never had one safe opportunity that I could send you a long letter. I have written - wrote months ago - hoping some day to send it to you. This must be brief from necessity, but rest assured as soon as in my power I shall send you full particulars as far as I can of your dear sons death. In this I will only answer your inquiries - Our Angel - our beloved dead -

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he died - I am told - in sight of my home, alone in an ambulance - insensible - he must have spoken after wounded, as the driver said he requested to be brought here. Oh! What comfort what consolation to us all had we only heard him speak - seen him breathe - He was I know prepared for the change - four nights before he fell - he was here - left the next day [unclear: his tenth day] (just 26 years of age) went to camp - was ordered to Martinsburg - reached there & right back into this battle - I received three notes from him during his trip - he seemed in good spirits, cheerful, warning me to trust in God - to be cheerful & happy -

I will tell you all that passed between him & myself - the last night we spent together - in my next letter. I intend making an effort [unclear: to get through the lines - to Staunton] if I succeed, I shall write you immediately - also answer Sue's letter. It is well you did not make the [deleted: ] attempt to get through the lines as you in all probability would have been detained months, in their power, having as [unclear: tho] to be slaves, do their will, it is so hard for me to behold his murderers - countenance them I cannot. Would that we were only free -

I receive a few articles - taken from your son's body - his own testament - I reserved for you, also have some of his hair, his tobacco bags - pipe - a handkerchief - his money - the amount handed me was very little, it may have been all he had with him at the time, although the night he was here he had more but may have loaned it - I only received some 12 dollars his expenses - of burial - nothing - our great regret is that we were unable to purchase him a good coffin - but it was impossible, hundreds of our dear soldiers - Colonels - Captains - officers of all rank - were wrapped in their blankets & placed low - Ma begged our undertaker to make as nice a one as possible, he says [illeg.] were [illeg.] to pay me one thousand dollars, I could not make you one I have no material. Ma offered boards he made him a plain pine coffin not such as he deserved, but that was better than none at all, and many others had to

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sleep calmly in our private lot in the once beautiful home of our dead but oh it pains me so deeply to tell you - even it has been desecrated almost ruined by our merciless foes - that sacred spot - was so beautiful - perhaps someday we can again replace it - & it rest undisturbed.

Your son was the first loved one ever carried from our threshold to be placed in the cold, dark grave (and this has been our home for twenty seven years) Oh! would to Heaven - I could have been placed there instead of him, how willingly, gladly I would have died to have saved him from so early a grave, but it was the will of Him who who doeth all things for the best, for a great & wise purpose, to whom we should all bow in holy submisssion but oh I can never become reconciled - it seems impossible, too hard, terrible a fate for me to become resigned to any other sorrow on earth, I could have born but this - I pray - God only knows how fervently, how consistently for strength to bear up - to bow submissively. Have faith in His wisdom & [unclear: good news] - sometimes I think I would not call him from Heaven - from his God - from Bliss - no, that I yield, then come this long

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ing, this agony of soul. I am selfish and - Oh would, would I could say, from the bottom of my soul - truthfully - "Thy will be done" but I fear I never - never can. Time may soothe. God may heal, but memory lives, the grave only can bury this my first deepest the one great sorrow of my life - I never can be perfectly happy again. I may smile, be seemingly happy - as far as the happiness of this world is concerned - for all is dark to be now there is no happiness here - in a little while I hope to be there, but enough of this - forgive it.

On the 19th I received a letter from Mac - written two hours before he fell - telling me he was near & hoped soon to be with me, at one o'clock his dead body was brought to my home - had an only brother, an only son - been brought in a corpse, the [unclear: screams, the sorrow of my mother sisters] & all could not have been more terrible that day & night can never be forgotten. you can imagine not the horrors of that battle - but I forbear telling you now - he was shot through the head, just back of the temple, his face not at all disfigured - but such a peaceful countenance, perfectly natural, only too pale

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[unclear: see friends] - put down in their cold grave - Our enemies of course took the best for their dead - we had a white shirt collar necktie & so on put on your son - he was buried as decently as was in our power to have him, you cannot regret more than me, that it could not have been otherwise -

You ask to retain my [unclear: miniature] - certainly if you desire it - I thank you kindly for your offer of one of his - I have one taken the first fall of the war - he was here sick - Charlie was in town at that time - also have two taken before the war -

Has your son entirely recovered from his wounds? I hope you will look over all errors - if I get to Staunton I will write. I will not ask you to attempt to write me now as it is too dangerous to receive letters - but if ever free - I will gladly welcome as many letters as you will favor me by writing - Mac's friends are all very dear to me, he has often spoken of you to me, he loved you so devotedly - Little Allie he loved too - May God bless, protect, heal your sorrows - Guide you all safely through Life - is the sincere prayer of

Affectionately Yours

Maggie



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