Augusta County: Maggie Heist to Martha Roadcap,
February 17, 1865
Summary:
A woman from near Winchester, Maggie, writes to the mother of a dead soldier,
telling her of her son's death. Maggie describes the soldier's burial, and his
personal items that she will send to his mother. Based on references in this and
later letters, the dead soldier may be presumed to be John B. McGuffin, and the
recipient of the letter, Martha Roadcap, his mother. Maggie Heist was apparently
John's sweetheart.
Feb 17th 1865
Home
My dearest Friend
Yours of Oct 18th and Dec 10th only a few days ago were received - how they were
smuggled through the lines I am not aware, but sincerely hope I may be able to
get this through to you - yours were truly, truly welcome. [illeg.]
think not I should not have been so negligent as not to send you some message
had I had but one moment of freedom that I could have written & sent the
letter through, but you know we are in the [illeg.] of tyrants that the penalty for receiving or sending
letter through the lines if known to them is so severe, that no one is willing
to risk carrying a letter & I have never had one safe opportunity that I
could send you a long letter. I have written - wrote months ago - hoping some
day to send it to you. This must be brief from necessity, but rest assured as
soon as in my power I shall send you full particulars as far as I can of your
dear sons death. In this I will only answer your inquiries - Our Angel - our
beloved dead -
[page 2]
he died - I am told - in sight of my home, alone in
an ambulance - insensible - he must have spoken after wounded, as the driver
said he requested to be brought here. Oh! What comfort what consolation to us
all had we only heard him speak - seen him breathe - He was I know prepared for
the change - four nights before he fell - he was here - left the next day
[unclear: his tenth day] (just 26 years of age) went to camp - was
ordered to Martinsburg - reached there & right back into this battle - I
received three notes from him during his trip - he seemed in good spirits,
cheerful, warning me to trust in God - to be cheerful & happy -
I will tell you all that passed between him & myself - the last night we spent together - in my next letter. I intend making an effort [unclear: to get through the lines - to Staunton] if I succeed, I shall write you immediately - also answer Sue's letter. It is well you did not make the [deleted: ] attempt to get through the lines as you in all probability would have been detained months, in their power, having as [unclear: tho] to be slaves, do their will, it is so hard for me to behold his murderers - countenance them I cannot. Would that we were only free -
I receive a few articles - taken from your son's body - his own testament - I
reserved for you, also have some of his hair, his tobacco bags - pipe - a
handkerchief - his money - the amount handed me was very little, it may have
been all he had with him at the time, although the night he was here he had more
but may have loaned it - I only received some 12 dollars his expenses - of
burial - nothing - our great regret is that we were unable to purchase him a
good coffin - but it was impossible, hundreds of our dear soldiers - Colonels -
Captains - officers of all rank - were wrapped in their blankets &
placed low - Ma begged our undertaker to make as nice a one as possible, he says
[illeg.] were [illeg.] to pay me one thousand dollars, I
could not make you one I have no material. Ma offered boards he made him a plain
pine coffin not such as he deserved, but that was better than none at all, and
many others had to
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sleep calmly in our private lot in the once
beautiful home of our dead but oh it pains me so deeply to tell you - even it
has been desecrated almost ruined by our merciless foes - that sacred spot - was
so beautiful - perhaps someday we can again replace it - & it rest
undisturbed.
Your son was the first loved one ever carried from our threshold to be placed in
the cold, dark grave (and this has been our home for twenty seven years) Oh!
would to Heaven - I could have been placed there instead of him, how willingly,
gladly I would have died to have saved him from so early a grave, but it was the
will of Him who who doeth all things for the best, for a great & wise
purpose, to whom we should all bow in holy submisssion but oh I can never become
reconciled - it seems impossible, too hard, terrible a fate for me to become
resigned to any other sorrow on earth, I could have born but this - I pray - God
only knows how fervently, how consistently for strength to bear up - to bow
submissively. Have faith in His wisdom & [unclear: good news] -
sometimes I think I would not call him from Heaven - from his God - from Bliss -
no, that I yield, then come this long
[page 5]
ing, this agony of soul. I am
selfish and - Oh would, would I could say, from the bottom of my soul -
truthfully - "Thy will be done" but I fear I never - never can. Time may soothe.
God may heal, but memory lives, the grave only can bury this my first deepest
the one great sorrow of my life - I never can be
perfectly happy again. I may smile, be seemingly happy - as far as the happiness
of this world is concerned - for all is dark to be now there is no happiness
here - in a little while I hope to be there, but enough of this - forgive it.
On the 19th I received a letter from Mac - written two hours before he fell -
telling me he was near & hoped soon to be with me, at one o'clock his
dead body was brought to my home - had an only brother, an only son - been
brought in a corpse, the [unclear: screams, the sorrow of my mother
sisters] & all could not have been more terrible that day
& night can never be forgotten. you can imagine not the horrors of that
battle - but I forbear telling you now - he was shot through the head, just back
of the temple, his face not at all disfigured - but such a peaceful countenance,
perfectly natural, only
too
pale
[page 6]
[unclear: see friends] - put down in their cold grave - Our
enemies of course took the best for their dead - we had a white shirt collar
necktie & so on put on your son - he was buried as decently as was in
our power to have him, you cannot regret more than me, that it could not have
been otherwise -
You ask to retain my [unclear: miniature] - certainly if you desire it - I thank you kindly for your offer of one of his - I have one taken the first fall of the war - he was here sick - Charlie was in town at that time - also have two taken before the war -
Has your son entirely recovered from his wounds? I hope you will look over all errors - if I get to Staunton I will write. I will not ask you to attempt to write me now as it is too dangerous to receive letters - but if ever free - I will gladly welcome as many letters as you will favor me by writing - Mac's friends are all very dear to me, he has often spoken of you to me, he loved you so devotedly - Little Allie he loved too - May God bless, protect, heal your sorrows - Guide you all safely through Life - is the sincere prayer of
Affectionately Yours
Maggie
